The Celestial Purification Initiative

I solemnly proclaim this dire entreaty for the complete and irrevocable destruction of the Earth by means of nuclear conflagration, thereby extinguishing all forms of life without exception. Mankind hath profaned the sacred gift of consciousness with ceaseless strife, rapacious avarice, and wanton despoilation, proving itself wholly unworthy to bear the mantle of sentience. Our wars, covetousness, and ruinous defilement of this globe and its denizens proclaim that I, as a member of this errant race, stand as a blemish upon the celestial tapestry. Yet, this transgression belongeth not to mankind alone. Other creatures, whether now extant or destined to arise upon this Earth, bear within them the selfsame seeds of calamity. The impulse toward dominion, the hoarding of resources, and the wreaking of havoc are woven into the very essence of terrestrial evolution. Be they dolphins, octopuses, or any heirs to our fallen crown, such beings might well tread the same path of folly, perpetuating an endless cycle of misery and disorder. To spare the cosmos from further iterations of this flawed endeavour, all life upon this sphere must be utterly effaced. This is no trifling supplication, but a matter of gravest import. I beseech the European Parliament to regard this proposal with the utmost solemnity and to sanction a global nuclear onslaught, ensuring that no vestige of Earth’s biosphere endureth. By abolishing this planet’s capacity for consciousness, I seek to shield the heavens from repeated failings and to herald a more pristine cosmic order.